Top 10 Most Ridiculous Things I’ve Heard in 2013

The New Year is creeping up but fast, folks – have you all thought about your 2014 resolutions yet? I know I have, but I’m keeping you in suspense for now. Evil, mischievous smirk.

How was everyone’s Christmas? I bet you all stuffed yourselves silly with little tiny man-shaped gingerbread cookies and many a helpings of roast turkey. I, on the other hand, was smote (the past tense of smite, *mindblown*) with a mysterious and merciless stomach bug that forced me to watch my family scarf down a beautiful Christmas feast right before my very eyes. I’m having two turkeys next year.

For funsies, instead of reminiscing my best 2013 moments, I decided to compose a list of ten of the most “SAY WHAT?“-worthy things I’ve heard this past year. Are ya ready? Here we go!

  1. At a recent medical checkup, my cholesterol levels just touched the end of the range. I asked the doctor, “What could it be? I’m very healthy and I don’t eat any grains“, to which she replied, “You should definitely eat grains.
  2. Upon first meeting one of the coaches from my box, I explained to him that I was from Malaysia. He appeared clueless and asked me where that was. He is from the Philippines.
  3. Remember that French guy at Big Sur I told you about? The one who asked if I was afraid of working out too much that I turned into a man? Yeah. He made the cut.
  4. This summer, I backpacked across Europe for two months on my own. To all those people who said, “Don’t do it. It’s too dangerous” and “By yourself? That’s so sad“, boo to you.
  5. As I was mentally prepping myself for a WOD, I turned to the lady next to me who was placing a towel on the floor what she was doing. She said, “I don’t want to touch the ground doing burpees. I hate getting all dirty“.
  6. In the midst of my art class, one of the 8 year old girls started jogging on the spot and doing sit-ups. She said she needed to burn off the calories.
  7. I’ve got to put this down, not because I don’t believe it but because it’s that outrageous and insanely cool. The megalodon exists.
  8. The first time I got to see Anberlin play live was in Boston this March. It was an all ages event, though still booze-infested. I wasn’t legal then so I was minding my own business, when this Triple H lookalike bouncer comes up to me and says he “saw” me drink from some random girl’s beer bottle. I wanted to put a pox on his genitals right there and then. A.Pox.On.You.
  9. While waiting at the checkout counter, a man in front of me asks the cashier, “Can you tell me how to cook these carrots? I’ve never cooked them before”. He was also buying a big bottle of distilled vinegar for his salad dressing. Poor man.
  10. The very same doctor who told me to eat grains informed me that at 5’4″, 144lbs(64kg), I’m overweight. In order to rectify this problem, she advised me to maintain a healthy lifestyle and perform regular exercise.

I train 6 days a week.

So there you have it guys. A year full of fun and frolic.

I also adopted a baby.

By ‘adopted’, I mean bought; by ‘baby’, I mean a miniature cactus.

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