The New Year is creeping up but fast, folks – have you all thought about your 2014 resolutions yet? I know I have, but I’m keeping you in suspense for now. Evil, mischievous smirk.
How was everyone’s Christmas? I bet you all stuffed yourselves silly with little tiny man-shaped gingerbread cookies and many a helpings of roast turkey. I, on the other hand, was smote (the past tense of smite, *mindblown*) with a mysterious and merciless stomach bug that forced me to watch my family scarf down a beautiful Christmas feast right before my very eyes. I’m having two turkeys next year.
For funsies, instead of reminiscing my best 2013 moments, I decided to compose a list of ten of the most “SAY WHAT?“-worthy things I’ve heard this past year. Are ya ready? Here we go!
- At a recent medical checkup, my cholesterol levels just touched the end of the range. I asked the doctor, “What could it be? I’m very healthy and I don’t eat any grains“, to which she replied, “You should definitely eat grains.“
- Upon first meeting one of the coaches from my box, I explained to him that I was from Malaysia. He appeared clueless and asked me where that was. He is from the Philippines.
- Remember that French guy at Big Sur I told you about? The one who asked if I was afraid of working out too much that I turned into a man? Yeah. He made the cut.
- This summer, I backpacked across Europe for two months on my own. To all those people who said, “Don’t do it. It’s too dangerous” and “By yourself? That’s so sad“, boo to you.
- As I was mentally prepping myself for a WOD, I turned to the lady next to me who was placing a towel on the floor what she was doing. She said, “I don’t want to touch the ground doing burpees. I hate getting all dirty“.
- In the midst of my art class, one of the 8 year old girls started jogging on the spot and doing sit-ups. She said she needed to burn off the calories.
- I’ve got to put this down, not because I don’t believe it but because it’s that outrageous and insanely cool. The megalodon exists.
- The first time I got to see Anberlin play live was in Boston this March. It was an all ages event, though still booze-infested. I wasn’t legal then so I was minding my own business, when this Triple H lookalike bouncer comes up to me and says he “saw” me drink from some random girl’s beer bottle. I wanted to put a pox on his genitals right there and then. A.Pox.On.You.
- While waiting at the checkout counter, a man in front of me asks the cashier, “Can you tell me how to cook these carrots? I’ve never cooked them before”. He was also buying a big bottle of distilled vinegar for his salad dressing. Poor man.
- The very same doctor who told me to eat grains informed me that at 5’4″, 144lbs(64kg), I’m overweight. In order to rectify this problem, she advised me to maintain a healthy lifestyle and perform regular exercise.
I train 6 days a week.
So there you have it guys. A year full of fun and frolic.
I also adopted a baby.
By ‘adopted’, I mean bought; by ‘baby’, I mean a miniature cactus.