Paleo Maple Bacon Ice Cream

You know what I just can’t stand? People who eagerly suggest plans to hang out with you and then don’t follow through. Flakes, I guess you would call them. I’ve ranted about this before, but only because they are becoming increasingly ubiquitous in my life. Is it some weird aura that I’m unknowingly exuding? Do I give it off like bad body odor? Nasty.

I guess people attract certain kinds of people.


We did the most horrific WOD today. It was multiple AMRAPs of 200m/100m/50m sprints and 10/8/6 wall balls. For those of you non-Crossfitters going, “arrrugh??” (in true Scooby Doo fashion), let’s just say it was so brutal I’m sure my innards spontaneously combusted and spread flames to my lungs and throat. My pants truly were on fire and that, amigos, is no lie, no lie. The worst part was that I decidedly wore flip-flops to the gym and forgot to bring socks – nay, one sock – and so had to turn back and arrive 7 minutes late to the class. That’s a 35 burpee penalty. Whine whine whine, complain complain complain.

Here. Listen to my favourite-at-the-moment song:

I had lunch with a friend today and this guy sat next to us with his little jack russell pup on a leash. Oh my goodness to gracious, good Lord and all of his heavenly friends, it was TOO CUTE. For those of you who don’t know me, I have a very weird disfunction. Once, my sister showed me this slideshow of pictures of hedgehogs and about a minute in, I was bawling my eyes out. So we sat there, chatting about our workouts and I couldn’t help but glance below me at this freaking adorable monster, using its merciless powers of cuteness to stare me down. I swear I teared up, I did. 

I won’t cry watching Titanic but I will break into hysterics if you ever show me a video of a kitten eating a cookie. Fudge to every living creature small enough to fit into a teacup. 



I am so serious – Googling “animals in teacups” should be a health hazard. If not, I am making it one.

Here you go, Vanessa. This is for your lovely self to enjoy during those horrifically stressful after-work hours.


Paleo maple bacon ice cream



2 cups fresh coconut santan / full cream coconut milk

1 cup almond milk, unsweetened and original

1/3 cup Grade B maple syrup, or golden syrup if you like

5 vanilla bean pods, seeds scraped out

5-6 strips of lean bacon, cooked and cooled

(optional: caramelized pecans = 1/4 cup maple syrup and 1 cup pecans, chopped)

Method of Madness:-

  1. Heat coconut milk and almond milk in a saucepan over low-medium heat until you see steam rising.
  2. Drizzle in the maple syrup like you mean it.
  3. Dissolve the syrup, stirring constantly. Add vanilla seeds.
  4. Stir for another 10-12 minutes on low heat until the mixture thickens enough to coat the back of a wooden spoon. If you try to do that finger swipe test, it might not work as well because almond milk is runny.
  5. Leave to cool to room temperature.
  6. Store the saucepan with a lid in the fridge for 4 hours or overnight.
  7. Meanwhile, cook/pan fry/bake bacon and leave to cool to room temperature.
  8. If you want to be really fancy, you can also caramelize pecans. That just means you drizzle maple syrup over pecans on a baking tray and bake in the oven for 6 minutes at 300°F (150°C). Then you leave it to cool and it becomes all golden and delicious.
  9. Once the mixture has been chilling in the fridge for 4 hours, pull that sucker out and pour it into the freezer bowl of the ice cream machine.
  10. Let it churn for 8-10 minutes. 
  11. Add the bacon bits and chopped pecans in the last 1 minute. REMEMBER the pieces should be small so you don’t break your machine and never get to make ice cream again.



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