5 Real Signs You’re Actually Getting Older

You know what? I’ve heard many of my friends moan and groan about how old they’re getting but quick. How they’re always so tired, they have to dye their grey hair again and ohmyGod, are those crow’s feet? No freaking way. I, for one, cannot wait to get super old. Of course, I love being all young and flexible and whatnot, but man, I can’t wait to not give a sh*t about what to wear and always get my way because I’m a freaking senior, son. Sure, sure, our skin will get all loose and flappy, but that’s what compression tights are for, right?

We’re all going to grow old; it’s inevitable and it’s always imminent. So what’s there to fear? I’ll tell you what the real scary signs that you should really be worried about are:

  1. During WODs which involve keeping track of your reps, all the mathematical skills you acquired in your many years of education fail you.
  2. Sometimes when you flush, you can’t remember whether you actually peed or not.
  3. You make lists. Of everything.
  4. You always forget and leave the hot water boiling on the stove (because, oh, you’re so old you don’t even own a kettle)
  5. You spend your Friday nights sipping tea and watching the Biggest Loser before retiring to bed at 9.30pm. Who am I kidding, this is every night.

This is not a mockery of anyone – I possess all 5 signs and even took a mental age test to prove it.

1417518_10153607240035573_1501084424_oI even went to a party last night just to defy my recent anti-social tendencies and spent the entire night talking to this one girl about how excited we were for Makeover Week on the Biggest Loser. This conversation lasted all of maybe two hours, before I found myself nodding off on a couch by 10.30pm, waiting for my ride to finish up. Mind you, this wasn’t even a rager – it was a small dinner party with… soup. It was really good smoked ham and corn chowder, so that was a plus! But seriously, I was ready to have dessert with the Sandman.

I guess trying two-a-days lately has been running me to the bone. Speaking of bone, is it possible to fracture your patella? I mean, it probably is, but from falling on your knee? What does it feel like? Because I think I might have one – a broken kneecap. Just like when I get bloated, I think someone impregnated me in my sleep. It’s just all the competitions I’ve signed up for in the next upcoming month and a half! How did this happen? My friend showed me this Colour Me Rad 5K coming up in two weeks and it looked fun:

Screen Shot 2014-01-18 at 10.33.05 AM

 

How do you prep yourself for a 5K in two weeks when you can barely run a mile? Maybe I can just use my womanly charms to hitch a ride on the back of some crazy guy.

On top of that, the Valentine’s Day Massacre will be throwing down at Ventura on February 15th. I told my artsy friends about it and they wanted to go and watch people sweat and cuss in the midday sun. So that’s happening. AND THEN, there’s the Open. Holy moly. Have you guys signed up yet? 

 

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